But then I discovered something that hurt my heart - something personal. Something that I struggle with on a daily basis. The need for friends... the need to be loved.... the need.... I've struggled with this almost my whole life of wanting to be 'liked', wanting people to hang out with me, wanting to be invited to go places, do things. And for some reason - it just never happens.
I don't believe it's not because I'm not a nice person or fun to be around - I think it's God teaching me that my priorities and desires are not aligning with His. He's been working on me with this for awhile. Every so often something will come up and it will just send me into despair - I will get so hurt and confused. I cry. I mope. I'm miserable for my husband no deal with.
It's sad on my part.
And yet - I take a step back after I wallow for awhile and realize - I don't need them - oh yes I want them, but I don't necessarily need them. . I have the best friends a girl could possibly ever have. I have my Lord. I have my husband. I do have my fellow moms who are liked minded and in the same stages as me. I have my children (they really need me).
So today I'm thankful for God and His work in me. I am thankful for how He uses situations and circumstances to gently guide us towards Him. I am thankful that He is there to forgive and forget so easily - how often do I ignore Him. He sent HIS son to die for me - He loves me that much - I'm pretty sure He wants to be my friend too. Hmmm a very interesting thought.
So today I'll go on, I may be sad, but I have a joy in my heart knowing that God has already provided for me everything that I need - may not be what I 'want' but it is what I need. And that my friends is awesome.
Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!
Wow.. I could have written this post. Seriously, my husband were talking about this just yesterday. I came over through Heavenly Homemakers and so thankful I did. I'll be praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteJess, I struggle with this one too. A Lot. Especially lately. I feel so secluded right now. Staying home with Alexis. Ryan, my family, etc in Indiana. Me and Alexis stuck here. I hate to do things with my friends here, because I know we will be moving soon and I know they will be friends of the past due to distance. Plus, my friends here all work FT. I get so lonely during the day. Hoping for a phone call, an email, a something from someone. I don't NEED it. Ryan calls me now and then between clients. I have my beautiful baby girl. But we all crave companionship. We have our wonderful husbands, but we crave the friendship and companionship of others going through life the same as us. We mommas need to stick together! And I swear, one of these days...you and I are meeting for a playdate! I would love to catch up!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how sometimes we feel so alone, and yet we are never really alone. It's so comforting to hear the same thoughts you have are not yours alone. I hear you loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteLouAnne - Hello and thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteLaura & Laura - Thanks for your kind words. I think things will all be different in a couple months - it's just waiting for all the pieces to fall into place. I know a SAHM doesn't have a ton of extra time but I'll have more than I do now. :)
Don't count on it! In some ways, I feel like I have LESS time!!! Alexis is finally in a great routine with sleeping, waking, eating, napping, etc. And I really try not to throw that off because we all know what happens when you break a good routine. I have no support or help during the day, so when she is awake it is all her time. When she is sleeping, it is a mad dash to clean up, start the washer/dryer/dishwasher, find a split second to pee and eat, maybe pay a few bills, etc and then she is up again. Then when Ryan comes home, I feel guilty doing chores because I want to spend time with him and then it is bedtime.
ReplyDeleteI thought that I would have so much time to do things! Like catching up on her baby book, packing boxes for the impending move, etc. I felt like when I worked, I MADE time for those things. Now it is just the day to day and there is no time for those things.
Can't wait for everything to work out and you can finally be a SAHM!!! It is such a great gift for your children!
I am your newest follower - found you on Happily Domestic! I love your blog and appreciate your honesty and transparency!
ReplyDeletehttp://thisbeautifulmessofmine.blogspot.com
Lil Mama J