desperate: Ideals and Going Under

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

Ideals.... we all have them and for the most part we never truly live up to those ideals.  Because that's just what they are - ideals - what we wish we had.

Sarah Mae and Sally are so honest that is hurts sometimes.  Motherhood is not easy and there never was a promise it was going to be... look at poor Eve - she was the first mother to have to bury a son.  There has been suffering since the beginning of life.  I did not have one of those *as soon as the baby was in my arms all the pain and suffering just disappeared from my mind* moments.  Oh no... I was tired, I was hurting, and I honestly didn't really care. I just wanted to sleep.  My first daughter and I had a very love/hate relationship the first year of her life. It was hard.  She was a crier.... an all the time crier.  My husband and I were very sleep deprived.... our ideals were out the window that first night home and I don't think we ever got them back!

Do I wish it would have been different - sure, but am I thankful for those experiences? yes.  They have made me grow into a much more compassionate and caring mother and friend.

I worked full-time after I had my first two children, only quitting my job half way through my 3rd pregnancy... my ideals for finally staying home were high... very high... and I went under soon after quitting my job.  Here's a couple reasons why:

• how did my house get so dirty all of a sudden? when I worked no one was home during the day so the house stayed semi-clean (in a manner of speaking) all of a sudden this place was a disaster.
• i was so tired... I was blessed to be able to ride to and from work with my husband which equaled two 30 minutes nap each day - for a lady in her third pregnancy that was awesome
• we were in the middle of a major construction project and I was dealing with *those* people
• it was a brand new routine for my two little ones and I wasn't sure if starting one was even worth it when the new baby would be coming soon and everything would be in upheaval again. so my kids ran wild for a couple months.... that was not good for any of us

Come back on Tuesday when I'll review the next chapter! I'm joining in the online book club at  SarahMae.com and I Take Joy.