This is my half way recap of how things are going. So far I don't like what I'm learning. I don't like what I'm learning about myself.
Being The UnWired Mom - Choosing to Live Free in an Internet Addicted World
doesn't mean being unwired to the internet, it means being unwired to anything that distracts you from you life. anything. and that could include almost everything.
This is my story from Tuesday night:
Tonight I thought I would let my kiddos watch an episode of Duck Dynasty and I would at least sit with them to be 'with' them while I updated my budget, so I got out my cash envelopes and settled in on the couch. The kids would not settle down and I was getting so frustrated - do you not realize I am giving you a treat, and also spending time with you by being in the same room.
And then I heard something and looked up. Lydia was trying to tear off the lid of the sippy cup with her teeth and it of course flew everywhere. An entire glass of milk all over the living room carpet.
I lost it.
I yelled, I screamed, I scolded, I did everything I've been telling her not to do. I completely lost my temper over spilled milk.
It wasn't the spilled milk, it was the bothering me while I was trying to be productive yet spend time with them...... that doesn't work. It never does so why do I try and try. All they want is my attention even if their attention is somewhere else.
I made my little girl cry. over spilled milk. shame on me.
I don't like what I'm learning through this journey. It's all about me and my selfish ways.
Then the dreaded S word came out 'SHUT UP' I screamed at my son who after what felt like the 20th time of asking would I turn the show back on while I sat there and mopped up spilled milk. And I was told by my oldest that those are not nice words. Yes I know. But right now that doesn't matter, right now what matters is that you interrupted me while I was trying to do something. What matters is that mommy is selfish and not being a good mommy right now. What matters is that mommy is still learning but that does not excuse her behaviors.
I snuggled tonight during bed, I read this book - I Love You, Little Monkey
, I apologized, I asked for forgiveness, I explained that mommy is not perfect in fact far from it and only Jesus can help mommy have a kind and good heart. I snuggled some more and I wept.
I experienced pure and total forgiveness once again from my babies, who love me even when I'm horrible. How do I not do the same to them?
Because I'm so 'wired' to everything else in my life that I forget what my focus should and ought to be.
Them and where they will be spending eternity. Teaching and training those oh so very exhausting life lessons that guide and shape them. What matters is that I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep learning and changing and growing. What matters is that I love you and you love me.
The book I mentioned above I Love You, Little Monkey Is one of my favorite books and the lesson in it may not reach my children yet but each time I read it it reminds me again and again of how things would be so much better if I would just do things with my children instead of trying to push them away. It is a sad book with of course a happy ending and each time I read it I honestly tear up. I would encourage every parent to have a copy of this book and keep it on hand for when you have a rough evening. It's just a sweet book with a great lesson (for the parents!).
UnWired Mom Challenge
UnWired Mom Day 1
UnWired Mom Days 2-4
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